Choose your own Award
by dogbertcarroll
Summary: Sacrificing yourself for others is always a noble act and such an act deserves a reward... but all that glitters is not gold. However, if you're clever enough you may still find some value in it. Xander takes his 'reward' and turns the universe on its head once more thanks to an old Indian parable.
1. Chapter 1

**Choose your own awards**

"Hey, bro," Jessie said, taking a seat next to Xander in the library.

Xander smiled on seeing his best friend. "Hey, man, didn't expect to see you here." He idly paged through the big book of demons he was reading.

"I had some free time and thought I'd ask you some really serious questions," Jessie explained melodramatically.

"Like what?" Xander asked curiously.

"If you were allowed to choose any set of powers, but the more powerful they were the more dangerous the reality you were sent to, what would you choose?" Jessie asked.

"Is none of the above an option?" Xander asked hopefully.

"Nope," Jessie said, shaking his head, "no cop outs."

"Fine," Xander said. "Just to get a feel for it... if I choose Galactus, where would I end up?"

"Warhammer 40k," Jessie replied.

Xander winced. "Harsh, man."

"Galactus can step on entire pantheons," Jessie pointed out. "Gods aspire to his power level."

"Point," Xander agreed. "How about Dr Doom? All his power is knowledge."

Jessie shook his head. "Doom has the magical chops to be the Sorcerer Supreme and a brain so big it's not even funny. Choose him and you'd end up in Worm at the very least."

Xander's nose wrinkled up like he'd smelled something foul when Jessie said worm, even though he had no idea what it was. "How about Spider-Man?" Xander asked. "He's got a pretty modest power set."

"That would drop you in a standard comic book world," Jessie said. "We are talking basic Spider-Man though, lift twelve tons, build your own web shooters."

"Is there any other kind?" Xander asked rhetorically. "Don't answer that, I know they've done a ton of alternates. Anyway, comic book worlds suck to live in, you can't go shopping without having to dodge the Hulk and learn a life lesson."

"Depends on the brand," Jessie argued. "Archie doesn't do that all that often and the adult comic based on it 'Cherry' only does it once a blue moon."

"Comic genres are important to keep in mind," Xander noted. "Just out of curiosity... how much power would I need to land in Cherry?"

"Original Captain America, but with a sex based origin story," Jessie said with a grin. "That your choice?"

"No... but it's tempting," Xander admitted. "So, actual power is the deciding factor, not potential?"

"Bruce Banner counts as the Hulk," Jessie warned him.

"I get it," Xander assured him, "but I mean, if I chose Bruce pre-gamma exposure he'd only count as Bruce, right?"

"Yeah," Jessie agreed. "You'd be paying for big brain scientist with a load of knowledge. I could slide you into Ghostbusters with that one."

"Alright," Xander said thoughtfully. "How about the ability to enhance people, at a weak enough level to stay in Sunnydale?"

Jessie slowly nodded. "That will get you a miniscule amount of power, less than a sparrow's fart, and completely violates the spirit of the agreement while keeping to the letter of it. I approve!"

"So what brought all this on anyway?" Xander asked.

"You don't think it's just an idle question?" Jessie asked, trying and failing to sound casual.

"Nope," Xander said, shaking his head. "I can feel it's you, but I also know you're dead," he explained. "Plus, I can tell I'm dreaming, but not in control."

"Since when?" Jessie asked.

"Since I started doing the whole lucid dreaming thing to help me deal with Halloween," Xander explained. "None of my usual tricks are working and," Xander opened up the Big Book of Demons to show Jessie the page he was reading, "all it says is 'blah, blah, blah' for details except for the small section in the corner where it claims I can make girls take off their shirts by entering the Konami Code."

"Yeah, that would do it," Jessie admitted, as the room began to shake.

"What's going on, bro?" Xander asked.

Books began to fall off the shelves as the shaking got worse.

"Dream visitation, bro," Jessie explained. "The guys in charge thought they could get rid of you while rewarding you for your actions, but you managed to avoid that."

Blinding light began to leak through the skylight.

"Get rid of me?" Xander asked concerned.

"You screw up a lot of peoples plans, mostly evil guys, but the good guys plan around their plans so they get annoyed when they have to make new plans," Jessie explained, raising his voice a little to be heard over the slowly increasing rumble.

"What am I being rewarded for?" Xander shouted as the background noise rose to near deafening levels.

"Self sacrifice!" Jessie yelled.

"What?!" Xander yelled, squinting in the blinding light as the room came apart around him... and he remembered.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Xander opened his mouth to say, 'kick his ass', but the words stuck in his throat. Buffy was going to put her life on the line, did he really think she deserved anything less than the truth?

"What is it?" Buffy asked.

Xander took a deep breath. "Willow is going to try the ensoulment spell again," Xander replied. "I don't think she's got the strength to do it, but she's going to try."

"Really?" Buffy asked, eyes focused on Xander with a scary intensity.

"Yeah," Xander said, knowing he should have lied as he saw the hope in her eyes and knew she couldn't beat Angelus anymore.

"Get Giles out of here, I'll take care of Angel," Buffy said.

"Sure thing, Buff," Xander replied, hearing the end of the world in her hopeful tone. This time knowing he was lying to her, because as soon as he had Giles safe in the car he'd rushed back inside... only to find exactly what he'd feared.

"What's the matter little girl?" Angelus tormented her as he slowly twisted the knife he'd stabbed her in the side with, "I thought you liked when I shoved long hard things into you."

The bloody sword she'd been holding dropped from limp fingers, sliding down Angelus sword to clatter on the ground.

Xander barely noticed the slowly growing portal behind the pair as he stared at the scene in horror.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Xander's eyes snapped open, he was floating in a swirling mass of energy holding a sword. Blood dripped from his many wounds and he could feel the ache of broken bones.

In a flash of light he found himself standing in Willow's hospital room and immediately passed out from the pain, falling limply to the floor.

"Xander!" Cordelia cried out in horror, rolling him over onto his back and making sure he was breathing while Oz hurried to get help.

"What happened?!" Willow demanded.

"I don't know," the heavily bandaged Rupert Giles admitted, quickly kicking the sword under the bed before the medical personnel rushed in and carted Xander off, Cordelia following nervously.

"I smell blood," Oz noted.

Giles retrieved the bloody sword from under the bed. "This is the sword Acalatha was sealed with."

"So, it just appeared in Xander's hand bringing a load of injuries in the middle of a conversation because...?" Willow drawled.

"I don't know," Giles admitted with a sigh.

"Have to ask Buffy or Xander," Oz suggested.

"Or Angel," Willow added. "I felt the spell work," she said firmly.

"Yes, well as Buffy and... Angel are absent at this time, perhaps Xander can shed some light on what has occurred," Giles said, passing the sword to Oz.

A janitor entered the room, causing the three to fall silent as he mopped up the blood. "Let me see that," he told Oz taking the sword from him and wiping the blood off before disinfecting it as well.

Oz accepted the sword back and the janitor departed. "Sunnydale," he said, shaking his head.

It was freaky how people just ignored what was right in front of them, but it was useful as well.

"I'll monitor the situation with Xander and let you know when he's awake," Giles promised before hobbling off on his crutches.

"Not a good week for the Scoobs," Oz noted, setting the sword on a chair and taking Willow's hand.

 **OoOoOoOoOoO**

"What did the doctors say?" Giles asked as he found Cordelia pacing in the hall.

She stopped and turned to face him. "Cracked ribs, dislocated knee, concussion, several serious lacerations," she listed off. "What happened?" she demanded. "One minute he was perfectly fine and then the next..." her voice trailed off.

"I don't know," Giles said, "I'm hoping Xander will be able to tell us when he awakens."

A doctor stepped out into the hall and removed his surgical mask. "Are you here for Mr Harris?"

"Yes!" Cordelia immediately snapped out. "When can we see him?"

"He's being transferred to room one thirteen, however he won't be awake for at least eight to ten hours," the doctor warned.

"That's Willow's room," Cordelia said.

"We tend to place people in rooms according to admission times," the doctor lied. "If you'll excuse me, I have more work to do."

"That is suspiciously helpful," Giles noted.

"That's Sunnydale," Cordelia noted before seeing Xander being wheeled down the hall and hurrying after him.

Giles readjusted his crutches and slowly followed along, they were in for a long wait until Xander awoke.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Xander slowly woke up. "Buffy?" he asked blearily.

"Ran away," Oz replied.

"She was hurt," Xander said, recalling what had happened as he took stock of himself.

"How did you get hurt and where did this sword come from?" Willow quickly rattled off, waking Cordelia, who'd fallen asleep in the chair next to Xander's bed.

"Xander?" Cordelia asked curiously, seeing he was awake.

"In the flesh, bruised and battered as it may be," he replied reaching out for her hand.

"What happened?" Cordelia asked, clutching his hand. "You rescued Giles and were waiting with us to find out what had happened with Buffy when ***Bam*** you looked like you'd gone five rounds with a tiger and were carrying a sword!"

"I didn't rescue Giles," Xander disagreed. "I left him in the car when I went to help Buffy. See, I realized what a mistake I'd made when I told her about Willow casting the soul curse again-"

"What?! But I did!" Willow interrupted.

Cordelia glared at Willow, who quickly shrank back.

She turned to Xander her face softening. "Start at the beginning and don't leave anything out."

Xander nodded, then winced at the pain that brought. "I was going to lie and tell Buffy, Willow said to 'kick his ass," Xander explained, Willow tried to interrupt but Cordelia's glare silenced her once more, "because Buffy was finally in the right place mentally to face him... but I found I couldn't lie to her. I mean, Buffy was risking everything to save the world once more, she deserved the truth."

"Darn tootin'," Willow muttered.

"I could hear the hope in her voice as she told me to save Giles and that she'd take care of _Angel_ ," Xander said. "That was the moment I realized how bad I'd fucked up."

"She was already thinking of him as Angel," Cordelia realized.

"Yeah," Xander agreed. "Here she'd been ready to kill Angelus and save the world and in one fell swoop I'd completely fucked things up. Angelus was going to kill her and the world was going to burn."

"But the spell worked, I know it did!" Willow complained.

"Then what happened?" Cordelia asked, giving his hand a squeeze.

"Giles was in the car," Xander said. "He was injured, but it wasn't life threatening; Angelus is very skilled at torturing people. So, I went inside to help Buffy, but I was too late, Angelus had cut her up pretty badly and stuck a knife in her side."

"What!?" Willow exclaimed.

"I swear to God, I will end you!" Cordelia hissed at Willow, making her shrink back. "And then what, Honey?" she said sweetly to Xander.

"Buffy fell, the portal was open, and there was really only one thing left to do," Xander said.

"You fought Angelus," Oz said, thinking about Xander's condition.

"Fought?" Xander said bitterly. "I wish! No, I entertained him while Buffy bled out and the portal grew larger. He was just about to kill me when his eyes lit up and suddenly Angel was back."

Willow glared at Cordelia but decided not to say anything.

Xander sighed. "Buffy was in a bad way, I wasn't too far behind her and Deadboy was crying like a bitch, while the portal was getting large enough to begin tearing at the ceiling."

"It takes a sacrifice to close it," Giles said quietly from his chair in the corner, causing everyone to jump as they'd forgotten he was there.

"Buffy needed to get to the hospital," Xander said, "and there was no way I could reach the car, much less carry her to it... but I could reach the portal."

"You jumped into the portal," Giles said quietly.

"More like it met me half way," Xander said. "It was kinda a relief that I didn't have to move that far."

"Considering your injuries, I imagine so," Giles said nodding.

"And then you appeared here?" Oz guessed.

"No," Xander said, "then I passed out and got a dream visitation from a friend offering me power."

"Tempted with power while enroute to hell," Oz deadpanned, "no way that's a trap."

Xander laughed and then winced. "Yeah, I was being rewarded for my sacrifice with power, but the catch was: the more power I received, the further away I was being sent."

"So it was a trap," Cordelia said.

"Not completely," Xander disagreed before yawning. "The good guys upstairs wanted me gone because I kept screwing up the bad guys' plans in ways they hadn't predicted, complicating their own plans. It was an honest reward and a chance to reduce their workload." He yawned again.

"And since you are here, it's a reward you turned down," Giles said proudly.

Xander would have corrected him, but he was on the verge of passing out, the medication and injuries sapping him of strength. He could feel the miniscule thread of power he'd been granted and with his last conscious thought he used it to enhance itself, causing it to double in size...

...and somewhere in the upper reaches Janus laughed and laughed.

 **Typing by: Hawfeld**


	2. Chapter 2

"Ready to get out of here?" Oz asked as he brought Xander a wheelchair.

"My ribs say no, but the rest of me says yes," Xander replied as he carefully moved from the bed to the wheelchair, wincing as he did so. "Cracked ribs are the worst."

"One of the few benefits of getting hairy is the healing," Oz said.

"Enhanced healing does sound pretty good about now," Xander said. "How hard is it to become a werewolf again?"

"Few benefits," Oz reminded him.

"So I buy a lot more Nair," Xander joked, "just slip me some tongue."

"I'll think about it," the blue haired teen replied, as he wheeled him into the hall where the girls were waiting.

"Slip who some what?" Cordelia asked in disbelief.

"You only caught the tail end," Xander quickly said. "Trust me, it sounds a lot better in context."

Everyone turned to Oz.

"I never kiss and tell," Oz deadpanned.

Xander snorted at the girls' expressions and then winced and held his side. "Ribs!"

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Try not to make him laugh, at least until it doesn't risk actually splitting his sides open."

"I'll try and resist the urge," Oz replied.

"You are the ultimate straight man," Xander said.

"Almost," Oz said, waggling an eyebrow at Xander.

Xander laughed, before groaning and clutching his side. "Did you have to find your funny bone just in time to hurt me with it?"

"I didn't have to," Oz replied, "it's just funnier that way."

Xander laughed, before grabbing his side again. "Oh god, you are literally killing me."

"They're bonding," Willow explained incredulously, as Cordelia stared at the two while Oz wheeled Xander down the hall.

"Shouldn't they have already done that?" Cordelia asked.

Willow shrugged. "I can explain physics, boys…"

"And they call us strange," Cordelia said, shaking her head as she started to follow them.

"What time is it?" Xander asked.

"Almost noon," Oz replied as they reached the front desk.

"Good, I could use some real food," Xander said, hungry for lunch, while accepting a clipboard from the nurse and filling out the release forms.

"I'll bring the van around," Oz said.

"What do they have you on?" Willow asked curiously as Xander accepted a prescription bag from the nurse.

"Antibiotics and pain killers," Xander replied, returning the clipboard.

"And you won't take the painkillers," Willow said with a sigh.

"What? Why not?" Cordelia asked.

"Because he's a big old stupid head," Willow replied.

"Because pain killers slow down the healing process," Xander argued.

"How do you figure?" the nurse asked, while checking over his forms.

"Pain tells your body where to heal and how much effort to put in it," Xander explained, "if you lessen the pain, your body thinks it's a lot less serious and doesn't prioritize it."

"Well what we've given you is Motrin, which doesn't help with pain all that much, but does help with swelling and blood flow," she said. "So, be sure to take these, because they will help speed up your healing."

"Checkmate," Willow said with a smirk.

Xander considered what the nurse had said. "OK, you win this time."

"Glad to hear it," the nurse said smugly. "Have a nice day and try not to end up back here any time soon."

"Will do," Xander said, turning his wheelchair and wheeling out the entrance.

"I can't believe I love this idiot," Cordelia said with an exasperated sigh as she hurried after him.

"Stop trying to pop a wheelie!" Willow chastised him, hurrying to catch up.

"That is a sight for sore eyes, or knee in this case," Xander said as Oz pulled into the ER entrance in his two toned, brown and rust, colored van.

Willow slid the side door open and Cordelia helped Xander to his feet. While Cordelia helped Xander into the van, closing the door behind them, Willow returned the wheelchair.

Willow climbed into the passenger seat and buckled up. "To the library?" she asked.

"Food first," Xander said, "something with meat."

"That lets out the Doublemeat Palace," Cordelia said.

"Pizza," Oz suggested. "They'll deliver."

"During the day at least," Willow agreed.

"Library it is then," Xander said, leaning against Cordelia and closing his eyes as he contemplated how he was going to use today's charge. He could use it to enhance itself, doubling it once more, but it had already changed from a single thread into a rope well over a hundred times what it had been and it'd just be his luck to end up dead before he'd gotten a chance to use it because he'd been hoarding it and trying to reach for the brass ring without looking where he was putting his feet.

"Tired?" Cordelia asked.

"Just enjoying the company," he replied, giving her a squeeze.

Apparently he'd hit the daily double because Cordelia's smile almost blinded him, even through closed eyelids and he could feel her relax against him, some hidden tension she'd had fading away.

"Let's pick up tacos on the way," Oz decided. "The pizza takes up to an hour around here."

"You had me at tacos," Xander said, nuzzling Cordelia's neck and inhaling her scent. "I'll take a dozen, basic tacos."

"We could order four dozen and skip the pizza," Oz said. "The look on their face should be worth it."

"Make it fifty," Cordelia said, "and a small diet coke."

Xander grinned.

It'd been easy to use the enhancement ability to reinforce itself, the idea was very clear in his mind, simple, easy to picture. Enhancing himself… he wasn't quite sure of. How should he picture it? Should he concentrate on an aspect? A concept? Maybe he was overthinking it. Maybe he should simply think about what he wanted and will it. If that didn't work, then he could overthink it.

Satisfied with his decision, he waited for Oz to place their order. It turned out to be even funnier with Oz's deadpan delivery. It was well worth the pain the laughter produced.

Plus… tacos!

"How long until we get to the library?" Xander asked, stroking the box of tacos he was holding.

"Right about… now," Oz said as he slowed to a stop and put it in park.

"We should have gotten you a crutch," Cordelia said as she contemplated how they were going to get Xander and half a hundred tacos into the Sunnydale High School library in one trip.

"I can limp it," Xander promised. "You guys take care of the tacos and I'll follow."

"You're sure?" Cordelia asked.

"Positive," Xander assured her.

"Well… okay," Cordelia conceded, opening the sliding door on the van and trying to take the box from Xander. "I can't take the tacos inside unless you let go."

Xander reluctantly let the box go. "I swear, I shall come for you!"

"Not in public, you goof," Cordelia said, blushing.

"We're still being melodramatic about tacos," Oz said.

"Oh? Oh!" Cordelia said, embarrassed.

"Only in private am I melodramatic about-" Xander began, but Cordelia quickly covered his mouth.

"I was going to say 'your taco," Xander said when she removed her hands.

"Yes, I know," the blushing brunette replied, a combination of annoyed and pleased. She picked up the box, gave him a look, then turned and walked away with a swing in her hips that Jessica Rabbit would have approved of.

"Go, I'll… catch up," Xander said, feeling a little… stiff.

Picking up boxes of tacos, the other two teens departed leaving Xander alone.

"That was evil," Xander said with a grin as the sun moved directly overhead and the rope of power glowed brightly once more.

"Oh yeah," he said, recalling his earlier thoughts. With a bit of a struggle and a little backsliding, Xander eventually managed to push the image of Cordelia sauntering away with his tacos out of his head.

"OK, no pressure, just try something and see how it works or doesn't," Xander told himself. "Worse comes to worse, I can try again tomorrow."

He forced himself to take slow deep breaths and picture what he wanted in his head. He wanted to be stronger, he wanted to be faster, he wanted to be tougher. He thought about martial artists and their concept of chi. If he strengthened his life force, would it strengthen him physically and allow him to heal faster? Or would it be like D&D when the fighter leveled up? His hit points would raise, reducing his injuries while his physical stats increased along with his skills.

He decided on concentrating on his life force and increasing it, which should increase his physical stats and maybe do some Force thing where his instincts would make him a better fighter, if all those martial artist movies were correct. He pushed aside all doubt and grabbed ahold of the rope, the concept of chi clear in his mind, with images of anime martial artists and D&D fighters flickering in the back of his head.

The rope shattered into one hundred and twenty-eight little strands, which slipped into the cracks in his soul, cracks he hadn't even known existed.

Thoughts and memories suddenly flitted through his consciousness, reminding him of things he had forgotten or suppressed.

*"If you overextend yourself, you leave yourself open to attack," Giles explained to Buffy as she went through a sword kata while Xander avidly watched the way her muscles moved beneath the tight jeans she wore… showing how she positioned her feet as Giles made her repeat a move until she had it perfected.*

*Angel threw a punch, putting his full force behind it, his torso adding power to strike at the vampire who had gotten the drop on Willow, sending it flying into a gravestone, its neck broken. Xander barely noticed, more concerned with driving a stake into the heart of the demon who had tried to take his best friend from him.*

*"You have to lead the target," his sniper instructor explained. "Don't shoot for where his is but where he's going to be when the bullet reaches him. Remember, one shot, one kill."*

*He could smell her excitement as she struggled under him, not sure she wanted to win. He playfully taunted her, using words he no longer fully understood and her eyes snapped to his, all hesitation gone. She was no longer playing, she had decided he was a threat to her pack and not a member of it, he could smell her anger. As she brought up a nearby piece of wood to knock him out, all he could think was, 'Courting Slayers is hard.'*

*He felt the punch hit his side, the knuckles twisting to cause more pain by brutalizing the skin without causing any deeper damage that would show in bruises, preventing evidence it had more than just boys roughhousing.*

Xander shuddered and took a deep breath, finding it hurt less then it had a moment ago, both because his pain tolerance was higher and because he knew how to move properly to avoid stressing his injuries, but it was his ego that hurt the worst. He could see how childish and resentful he'd behaved at times, where he'd made situations worse instead of better because he'd misread all the signs.

"There are some situations where humor is inappropriate," Xander admitted aloud and winced. "Fuck, admitting that hurts worse than my ribs," he complained.

He slid out of the van, keeping his weight on his good leg while he slid the door closed and limped towards the library, moving noticeably smoother even while limping.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Whistler waited for the decision from above. If he hadn't caused him so much more work he would have applauded the kid. It wasn't often a mortal got one over on the powers above, especially a mortal on their side.

A ball of light formed in front of him.

"So, what's the verdict, do I whack him?" he asked, with a trace of sarcasm.

"No, his actions, chaotic though they may be, are beneficial in nature," the ball of light replied. "Removing him would be strengthening evil."

"So, what's the what?" he asked, imitating the kid.

"You are to train him," the ball of light ordered. "It is believed that his chaotic choices were the result of having no other winning moves available. Having suitable and logical solutions should make his actions less chaotic and easier to plan for."

"Makes sense," Whistler agreed. "Any word on Angel?"

"Efforts to remove him from Hell's embrace are already underway," the ball replied, "it's believed that the small amount of time he spends in hell will help temper his later actions."

"As long as they're doing right by him I'm happy," Whistler said. "Rat breath has not had an easy time of it."

"All of which was the direct and predictable results of his own actions," the ball of light reminded Whistler.

"Yeah, but a little compassion seems to be needed," the balance demon pointed out.

"That is your purpose," the ball of light agreed, before vanishing.

"I'm more a tough love kinda guy, but I can do compassion," Whistler said confidently.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Xander paused in the hallway as a chill shot down his spine. He glanced around but the hallway was empty and nothing seemed out of place so he resumed his limping way towards the library.

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel**


	3. Chapter 3

The door to the library opened up and Cordelia came out carrying a crutch. She looked surprised to see Xander but quickly hurried over to help him. "I didn't think you'd make it this far this fast," she said, handing him the crutch. "Giles had one in his office."

"I had good motivation," Xander said, adjusting the crutch to fit him before leaning on it to kiss Cordelia.

"And here I thought I was being snubbed for tacos," she teased.

"Never, but I will admit to being extremely hungry," Xander said. "I've had nothing but hospital food for a week and not only am I a growing boy, I'm a healing one as well."

"OK, you're forgiven… this time," she said as they continued on to the library, moving at a normal walking pace.

He opened the door for her and was amused to find Giles looking befuddled at the multitude of tacos.

He was surprised to find he was able to read Oz a lot easier than he had before and he was clearly amused. Willow of course was as easy to read as always, she was trying to play innocent, but her lips kept twitching.

"I can understand you being hungry after a week of hospital food, but fifty tacos?" Giles asked Xander knowing his sense of humor and figuring it was all his fault.

"I'm good for at least a third of them," Xander said honestly before his stomach growled loudly enough to make everyone stare at him. "Maybe half," he admitted.

"I'll go get some sodas," Cordelia said, "you start eating, before you go berserk and start looking for Fava beans."

"Will do," Xander said, quickly sitting down and grabbing some tacos.

Willow handed Xander some napkins and was surprised he didn't eat them with the way he was attacking the tacos.

Oz ordered the tacos in front of Xander in rows of five. At Willow's look he said, "I'm curious to see if he can actually eat twenty five."

Cordelia returned a few minutes later with her arms full of sodas. Seeing the stack of empty taco wrappers in front of Xander she shook her head. "We are going to have to sneak in food to you at the hospital the next time you get hurt."

Xander beamed and reached for another taco.

"Better grab some," Willow suggested, taking three tacos for herself.

Cordelia grabbed two, while Oz grabbed four.

"Now that you're all here," Giles said, "I thought I might give you an update. Buffy took a bus to LA, I have yet to find her, but I am still looking."

"So she's not heavily injured, just upset and ran away for the summer?" Xander asked.

"That's not enough," Giles began but stopped himself. "Yes, compared to what you saw it must be quite a relief. Buffy does not seem to be injured, at least not physically." Giles seemed to take heart from that. "I'm afraid I'll be spending most of my time combing LA for her, so please try and be a little extra… cautious. I know it's the summer lull, but that does not make the vampires you run into any less dangerous, simply less numerous."

"We'll be careful," Willow promised.

"Any luck with Buffy's mom?" Xander asked.

"Well, after the yelling and threats had died down she was quite contrite," Giles said. "She's looking for Buffy as well."

"I hope Buffy's OK," Willow worried, "the streets are dangerous."

"She's the Slayer, not your average teenage runaway," Xander pointed out. "I'm more worried about how she's doing emotionally. Killing Angelus can't have been easy on her. We could really use a good shrink around here."

"Pretty sure that was your job," Oz told him, only partially joking.

"My job?" Xander asked doubtfully.

"As comfortador," Oz explained.

"Kinda," Xander said thoughtfully, "but I think we need a little more than someone to listen and nod. I think we need someone who can actually recognize when we are hiding things and knows how to deal with serious issues."

"You've been thinking about this for a while," Willow realized.

"We don't have normal teenage issues here," Xander said, "and while I can comfort and nod with the best of them, you all know I have no sympathy for Angel and I'd be lying if I tried to pretend I did."

"A neutral party would help," Giles admitted.

"I'm pretty sure we'd drive a qualified psychiatrist insane," Willow said.

"Or evil," Oz added.

"Our shrink would end up needing a shrink," Xander agreed, "its kinda why I haven't brought it up."

"Actually the council does have a policy of requiring regular therapy and those therapists are regularly cycled out to prevent… well, mostly to avoid them gaining influence over field staff," Giles said.

"And the reason we don't have one assigned here?" Xander asked.

"Slayers usually don't live long enough to need one," Giles said with a sigh. "If the Watcher manages to survive the death of their Slayer, they are recalled and placed in therapy."

"Slayers may last longer than six months if they get qualified psychiatric care while in the field," Xander said, shaking his head. His stomach grumbled so he grabbed another taco.

"I'm not sure voicing my opinion to the council would do much good; as far as I can tell you could all use professional counseling," Giles said.

Xander just gave him a look.

"Ah yes," he adjusted his glasses, "quite right."

"Twelve," Oz said, deciding to change the subject.

"What?" Willow asked.

"Xander has eaten twelve tacos," Oz announced.

"I'm not done yet," Xander said, "I'm just letting it digest a little."

"Feeling better?" Cordelia asked Xander.

Xander took a few deep breaths, wincing a little. "Probably going to be tender for a few days, but yeah, I feel much improved."

"Don't strain yourself," Giles ordered, "you'll recover much faster if you get the proper amount of rest."

"I plan on it," Xander promised.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

The soft sounds of rustling cloth and something moving quickly through the air came a second too late for Xander to do more than turn and drop his shoulder to brace for the hit.

 ***WHAM***

Xander rolled with the blow, trying to protect his ribs, cursing the fact that he'd let down his guard because it was still daytime.

"You've got to be aware of your surroundings at all times," the man in the fedora and trenchcoat lectured with a touch of a Brooklyn accent, as he gestured with his baseball bat.

"What the fuck?!" Xander cursed, as he fought through the pain and snatched up his crutch, guarding his injured ribs and remaining crouched down to make a smaller target.

"Dinner for two and it comes pre-tenderized," a vampire said as he came out of an alley using the shadows of the nearby buildings to protect himself from the setting sun.

"See, this is exactly what I'm talking about," the man in the trenchcoat said. "If I hadn't been here he would have come out of the alley and-"

"And I would have hobbled my happy ass into the sun in-between the buildings and amused myself with reflecting sunlight at him with my wristwatch until he was blinded and stumbled into daylight or retreated looking for easier prey," Xander said, on his feet once more, back against the wall of the alley.

"That's cheating!" the vampire exclaimed, sounding offended.

Xander and Whistler rolled their eyes in an eerily similar fashion.

"If you're not cheating-" Whistler began.

"-then you're not trying," Xander finished.

The vampire began to cautiously back away, realizing he hadn't just stumbled on an easy meal.

"Sorry, Sparky," the man in the trenchcoat said, dropping the bat and comically winding up as if he had a baseball in his hand, "but you're out!" He threw a ball of flame that slammed into the vamp's back as he turned to run, completely engulfing him in flame and causing him to explode into ash a moment later.

Xander stared in shock and a bit of envy.

"I believe introductions are in order," the man in the trench-coat said. "I'm Whistler, the balance demon in service to The Powers That Be."

"And you're here to kill me," Xander guessed.

"What? No," Whistler said, shaking his head, "I'm here to train you."

"You're not here to get revenge because I outfoxed The Powers?" Xander asked in surprise.

"No kid, listen to me, The Powers, they're the good guys. Their plan to get rid of you wasn't because they disagreed with your actions, just your methods. Even the ones who actively dislike you because of all the extra work they have to do admire your actions," Whistler explained.

"I'm confused," Xander admitted. "If my methods are so bad, why do they want you to train me?"

"Because if you have the conventional skills to handle your business, you're less likely to pull some strange idea out of your ass to settle things," Whistler replied. "Like that vamp for instance, if you had the skill to stake him, you wouldn't bother with some crazy 'might work, might not' idea."

"You've got a point there," Xander said, seeing the sense of it. "And the baseball bat?"

"You've got to get people's attention before they'll listen to you," Whistler replied cheerfully.

"I'm still recovering from Angelus," Xander complained, "a simple 'watch the vamp go poof' would have worked."

"Still healing? But it's been an entire week!" Whistler said, confused.

"Normal human here," Xander said, "it takes more than a week in the hospital to recover from something like that."

"Oh yeah, I forgot how fragile you guys are," Whistler muttered to himself. "What about your empowerment ability?"

"Just used it on myself today, I was concentrating on increasing it into something useful," Xander explained.

"Yeah, The Powers noticed the drain," Whistler said. "I hadn't realized you'd been stockpiling it like that. I figured you'd have used it to buff your healing once or twice. Well, I got good news and bad news about your power."

"I can't use it anymore?" Xander asked, ready to argue about it.

"Of course you can," Whistler replied, his bat vanishing and gesturing for Xander to walk with him. "No, I'm just pointing out its limitations."

"Ah, OK," Xander said as he kept pace on his crutch.

"You've increased it to a pretty solid amount, in fact you've increased it so much that I would suggest not using it on the same person twice in one week. You gotta give the soul of the person time to adapt so it doesn't splinter," Whistler explained.

"That could happen?" Xander asked, disturbed. He wasn't quite sure what splintering a soul actually meant, but if it was anything like in Harry Potter it wasn't good.

"You can only put so much air in a balloon," Whistler replied. "With the amount of power you'll be pouring into someone, I'd give them at least a week and I would only give them two charges total. That should be safe enough to do without risking any damage to their core self."

"Anything else?" Xander asked, a little disappointed, but still quite happy with how it had worked out.

"Yeah, don't concentrate on a single aspect when empowering someone, if you want to give them a body like Conan's, remember he was also a pretty skilled thief and an effective king. If you can keep the multiple aspects of the man in mind, they can catch the overflow, so rather than making them a physical clone of the man, which they'd probably complain about, they'd gain the physical traits that didn't conflict with what they'd find acceptable."

"That's… kinda random," Xander said.

Whistler shrugged. "That's why this sort of power isn't found in the hands of humans. Normally empowering is done by beings you would call Angels and Demons with thousands of years of training under their belts."

"I can see why," Xander said, thinking he'd gotten lucky in his own empowerment, thanks to his inability to focus on any one thing. 'Yay for ADD!'

They reached Xander's place and took a seat on the front steps, ignoring the sounds of an old war movie playing inside.

"How did a Balance Demon end up working for The Powers That Be?" Xander asked.

"Not 'a' Balance Demon, 'The' Balance Demon," Whistler said proudly. "See, my mother was a pure blood demon, but my father was one of The Powers. Naturally both sides were more than a little upset, making me an orphan, but while the ones below wanted to off me, the ones above took their marching orders from The One Above All, so they accepted me and raised me to be their go-to guy."

"And since the world is overwhelmingly in the suck you help the good guys out a lot," Xander said, "but doesn't that mean when things start getting better, you'll have to make them worse?"

Whistler chuckled. "The Balance ain't about good and evil, despite what everyone thinks. The Balance is about making life a challenge."

"What?" Xander asked.

"Ya remember the old Twilight Zone episode where the gangster dies and thinks he went to heaven because everything is going his way, only to realize he's in hell because everything is going his way?" Whistler asked.

"Yeah," Xander said, "I always thought it was a bit rushed. He should have slowly came to the realization over a year or so, as all the joy and excitement was slowly leached from his existence."

"They only had a half an hour, a bit less actually because of ads and credits, to get the point across, so they had to cut some corners. For what they had to work with, plus the ridiculous censoring from CBS, they actually did an amazing job," the demon defended the episode.

"I agree, I'm just saying if they redid it today they could do a lot better."

"Agreed, but getting back on topic, that's the Balance we refer to. Life has to be difficult enough that people have to work at it, but not so difficult that they are being ground into the dirt with no hope for success. Demons upset that balance, so that's why we spend so much time and energy countering what they do," Whistler explained.

"Huh," Xander said, never having even thought about the Balance being anything but good and evil before and seeing things were actually more complex than the simple little black and white world he'd envisioned.

"The apple you pick yourself is always the sweetest," Whistler said, smirking as if there was a hidden joke.

"And you're going to train me?" Xander asked.

"To the very best of your abilities," Whistler agreed. "Never trained a human before, it should be fun."

"Why do I have the sinking feeling all the fun is going to be on your part?" Xander asked.

"Precognition?" Whistler suggested with a cheerful grin.

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel**


	4. Chapter 4

Xander woke up to the feeling of someone staring at him. Opening his eyes, he saw the Balance Demon from the night before sitting on his windowsill. "Whistler," he muttered.

"Hey kid," Whistler said cheerfully. "Healed yet?"

"Do you seriously not know human healing rates or are you just fucking with me?" Xander asked grumpily.

"Six of one, half a dozen of the other," Whistler admitted. "I've never made a case study of the subject, but surely you've noticed you heal pretty quick for a human."

"I-" Xander stopped to consider. He hadn't paid a lot of attention to it before and he'd basically been comparing his healing rate to Buffy's since they'd started getting knocked around by vamps on a weekly basis.

"It's a side effect of the Hellmouth," Whistler offered. "Demons aren't the only things that grow stronger here."

"And being born and raised here I'm adapted to it?" Xander guessed.

"Pretty much," Whistler agreed. "The Hellmouth leaks energy, mostly chaotic rather than just plain evil as you probably think and life thrives on chaotic energy, just not nearly as much as demons do. Slayer's get a double dose, that's why the Watcher's Council doesn't help out a lot around here, too afraid of how strong a Slayer can become and hoping she gets knocked off before it becomes a problem."

Xander got up, his mind running about a thousand miles an hour, not even noticing that his knee was only a little tender now as he got ready for the day.

While Xander was in the bathroom, Whistler poked around his room, accidentally doing more cleaning and straightening than Xander normally did in a week. "Needs a bit more discipline, possibly a human trainer until he's healthy enough," he mused.

Xander came out of the bathroom walking with a slight limp and still favoring his side. "OK, what's first?"

"First tell me again all the details on how you empowered yourself and what effects you've noticed," Whistler said, setting down a Heinlein novel on the stack of books he'd sorted and straightened.

Xander nodded and sat on his bed, leaving his desk chair for Whistler. "I was kinda split between thinking about fighters in D&D and martial arts masters with oodles of life force," Xander explained again. "I think I was concentrating more on Chi, but the thought was still there. My rope of power turned into threads and slid into the cracks in my soul- Should I be worried that my soul already had cracks?"

"Nah, that's normal," Whistler replied. "The cracks show the potential directions everything can move in, like learning a musical instrument or a new language. When you fill in the cracks all you do is give a direction of growth for the soul's potential, forced growth."

"OK, I can see that," Xander said thoughtfully. "My mind started going over all my memories, but putting a different emphasis on them, I noticed the martial aspects a lot more. Like watching Buffy train and seeing how she placed her feet rather than how tightly her shorts clung to her."

"Yeah, good," Whistler said, perking up. "And how did you feel?"

"Better," Xander said, "stronger. My injuries didn't heal or anything and they were still just as painful, but they didn't bother me as much and I knew how to move so I didn't aggravate them."

"Never played D&D, but I've heard about it," Whistler said. "What's the deal on the fighter class?"

Xander grinned and pointed to the bookcase. "Top shelf is my RPG section, grab the Player's Handbook and the Fighter's Handbook and give it a look through."

Whistler retrieved the two books. "Advanced D&D?"

"Second edition is the best edition," Xander said firmly.

"If that's what you were thinking of it's what I need to read," Whistler agreed, sitting back at the desk to start researching what Xander considered a fighter to be by this definition.

"Just remembered," Xander said, "I also got a walk-through on when I was possessed by the Primal and turned into a generic soldier by Janus. My senses seem better, but are nowhere near what they were as a primal and I can remember what the private knew, which really wasn't a lot."

Whistler nodded. "You don't have the Primal spirit providing power, but it'd know how to use your senses more effectively. Humans seem to ignore like 90% of what they can smell or hear, so now you are using them the way they were designed to be used, much like a trained woodsman."

Xander nodded and got up to retrieve a small stack of comics composed of DC's Who's Who and Marvel's Marvel Universe, comics that served as the basic character sheet for the capes from their respective universes.

"I think you hit upon just about the perfect template to grant powers without taking a couple of centuries of classes," Whistler said as he switched to the Fighter's Handbook.

"Really?" Xander asked as he looked up from reading the entry on Wolverine.

"Yeah, it's a solid base for the soul to expand from, not too limiting, and with a wide variety of options. Enhancing your ability six times would bring the thread count," he paused to chuckle, "up to 64, which would fit in nicely with all this character class stuff, as long as you had a good grasp on it."

"I've got a very good grasp on it," Xander said with a grin, "and the thread count is one hundred and twenty eight."

"But you were in the hospital for a week and burned a charge to enhance yourself yesterday," Whistler pointed out, "that's seven."

"I used it the day I received the powers as well, eight uses total for a thread count of one hundred and twenty eight," Xander said.

"OK, almost perfect," Whistler said. "I had thought you'd gotten the count wrong, but you got an extra in there. What exactly were you thinking in regards to martial arts masters?"

"Mostly Ranma ½," Xander replied.

"And that is?" the Balance Demon asked.

"It's a manga from Japan, but I've only ever seen the anime," Xander replied.

"Got a copy?" Whistler asked.

"Nope, I used to watch it with my friend Jesse," Xander explained.

"Say no more," Whistler said. "I'm going to go grab a copy. Hold on." In a flash of light he was gone.

Xander went over to his RPG shelf and collected all the class handbooks to give a quick look through.

 **An hour later**

 ***flash***

"Seven frickin' seasons, 12 OVAs, and one video jukebox," Whistler said, shaking his head as he set an armful of VHS tapes on the bed. "How many of these do we gotta watch to get a feel for it?"

"All of them," Xander assured him.

"Joy," Whistler said.

"It's a good series," Xander told him.

"Where do we start?" Whistler asked.

"With the TV series, then the OVAs, and we can skip the jukebox," Xander replied. "There are also three movies you missed."

"And I gotta watch it all?" Whistler asked, hoping for a no.

"Watch the first season and then the OVAs," Xander suggested, "that should at least give you a solid grounding in it and while you do that I'm going to go see the gang and empower Oz."

"Think character class and definitely keep this Ranma thing in mind as well," Whistler said, tearing the plastic off the Season 1 box set.

"Overflow?" Xander asked.

"At a hundred and twenty eight there will definitely be some overflow," Whistler agreed.

"Anything else?"

"Yeah, give it at least a month before checking to see if they can take a second charge," Whistler suggested. "I'm thinking the answer is going to be no, but humans have surprised me before."

"Have fun," Xander said.

"Yeah, fun," Whistler said sarcastically as he slid the first tape into the VCR below the TV on a cheap wheeled stand that had seen better days.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Xander entered the library and Cordelia quickly rushed over to him. "Where's the crutch? You know you aren't supposed to strain yourself!"

"I've got barely a limp now," Xander said. "The plethora of tacos did me well. Any word on Buffy?"

"No, but then Giles probably won't be back for a couple of days, he said he was going to get a room in LA," Willow explained. "He'll call here tonight to make sure she hasn't returned and let us know how it's going."

"Sounds like a plan," Xander agreed as he and Cordelia sat down. "Careful of the ribs," he warned.

"Your face says it has an announcement," Oz noted.

"He does not… He does," Willow said.

"Is it bad?" Cordelia asked, bracing herself for more bad news. After the last several it wouldn't shock her to hear more bad things had happened.

"The opposite," Xander promised her. "Do you guys remember when I mentioned I was offered empowerment?"

"Yeah, but that would get you sent away," Willow said.

"I asked for the power to empower people at the minimum level I could get without them sending me away," Xander replied. "I never got a chance to say anything earlier because of the passing out and I wanted to wait until I got out of the hospital."

"That must have pissed them off," Oz said, gesturing upwards.

"Actually it just annoyed them a little," Xander said. "They gave me a tiny little thread of power which I fed into itself every day I was at the hospital, meaning it is now at-"

"One hundred and twenty eight times what it was," Willow quickly calculated.

"Yes," Xander agreed, realizing she'd gotten the number right because she'd made the same mistake Whistler had but didn't know he'd used it on himself. "Every day at noon I can empower someone permanently based on Dungeons and Dragons' character classes."

"I know nothing about geek stuff," Cordelia reminded him.

Xander nodded. "OK, Dungeons and Dragons is a role playing game where you get a group of people together to make up different characters and roll dice to see what happens. Character classes are the jobs each has. There are a number of classes dealing with fighting, healing, and magic use."

"So you can assign us a job?" Cordelia asked curiously.

"Yes," Xander agreed. "Once a day I can choose a job for someone and their stats and skills will increase to match."

"Bard?" Oz asked hopefully, eyes lighting up at the thought of combining magic and music.

"Druid," Xander told him.

Oz considered that. "Why?"

"Because druids can cure werewolves," Xander replied, causing everyone to fall silent.

"Wasn't that a tree hugging cult in Britain?" Cordelia asked.

"Kinda," Xander said, not wanting to go into the real world Druids' bloody history. "In Dungeons and Dragons a druid is a tree hugger who knows magic and actually can command wild animals."

"In every game I played the DM didn't allow remove curse to be used on werewolves," Willow said with a frown. "Usually you had to go on a quest or get some artifact."

"I don't nerf players," Xander explained with a grin.

"So turn Oz into a druid to solve his monthly problem," Cordelia said, "and the rest of us?"

"I was thinking bard for you," Xander replied.

"She's got the looks for it," Willow admitted.

"I am envious," Oz told her.

"What's a bard?" Cordelia asked.

"A rock star who's able to put magic in their music," Oz said.

"Bards are the performers of the medieval world," Xander explained, "they can sing, dance, act, play nearly any musical instrument-"

"Plus all the acrobatic and rogue skills," Willow broke in. "Think Hollywood action star in real life with magical powers."

Cordelia turned to Xander, obviously restraining herself. "Let me know when those ribs heal."

"They are also famed for their bedroom skills and ability to seduce anything," Oz noted.

"Don't you mean anyone?" Cordelia asked.

"No," the other three chorused.

"They are simply that good," Oz said. "Of course part of that is their writing ability. They write all their own material."

"Shakespeare is often referred to as The Bard," Willow agreed.

"You know… Lycanthropy isn't that bad," Oz said hopefully.

"Or we can just make you a Druid with Bardic bent," Xander offered, "as a lot of those skills are open to all classes, they just don't choose to take them."

Oz perked up, eyes wide. "The secondary skills are a large list."

Xander nodded and opened his backpack, taking several books out to lay on the table. "Remember to think theme. I can hold it all in my head easier that way."

"One character sheet with backstory coming right up," Oz agreed as he and Willow retreated with the books.

"You should use your ability on yourself," Cordelia said. "We can wait an extra day."

"Already done," Xander replied, "I took straight fighter with a side order of anime martial artist."

"But you're still hurt," Cordelia pointed out.

"My power isn't healing," Xander said, "it's empowering and the powers I chose heals faster, thus no crutch needed, but doesn't have any magical instant healing abilities."

"None?" Cordelia asked. "I thought if a player slept in a bed they got completely healed. I saw someone play a video game and that's how it worked."

"Actually, I think I did heal a bit, D&D characters heal one hit point per level after eight hours of continuous sleep," Xander said thoughtfully. "Too bad I have no idea what level I am or how many hit points I have. Still, a little extra healing is always nice, plus that means I can recover from just about dead to full health in ten days, tops."

"Ten days?" Cordelia asked.

"Fighters get a D10 per level for hit-dice, so healing a point per level means I can go from coma to perfect health in ten days," Xander explained.

"That's pretty quick," Cordelia said.

"I feel like an idiot for overlooking that," Xander said.

"Don't be hard on yourself," Cordelia said, "that's my job."

Xander snickered.

"We're ready," Willow said, passing Xander a piece of paper.

"My power recharges at noon," he told her as he looked over the sheet of paper.

Cordelia looked over Xander's shoulder. "You're turning Oz into a Disney Princess?"

 **Typing By: Abyssal Angel**


	5. Chapter 5

"We didn't…" Willow trailed off as she looked at her sheet.

"We kinda did," Oz said, amused. "Music and nature is the basis for all the Disney Princesses."

"Can you make animals do housework?" Cordelia asked. As everyone stared at her, she explained, "I don't want to rule over a bunch of peasants, but servants you don't have to pay is always a plus."

Willow opened her mouth, closed it, and looked thoughtful, "That was always a cool scene," she admitted.

"Animals shed and birds can't be potty trained," Oz pointed out, while Xander started humming 'Be Our Guest!'

"Guess I'll just have to settle for being a movie star then," Cordelia said, unconcerned.

"So, this works?" Oz asked Xander, a little nervous as noon approached.

Xander stopped humming and read through the sheet again, trying to press the information deep in his brain, memorizing all the secondary skills Oz wanted. "Yeah, this is definitely doable."

Oz and Willow exchanged bright smiles, Oz being unusually emotive as the end of his curse was in sight.

"Sit next to me, it's almost time," Xander told Oz, who quickly switched seats.

"Do we need to do anything?" Willow asked.

"Just try to be quiet, I'll need to really concentrate on this," Xander said, not looking up from the sheet as he continually re-read its contents, not wanting to forget any details while he started humming once more.

"OK," Willow said instantly as everyone watched Xander like he might suddenly levitate or turn into a pumpkin, possibly both.

Xander smiled as he felt the rope light up and placed his hand just above Oz's forehead. He stared at the sheet, eyes running ceaselessly over its contents while thinking about what a Druid with a Bardic bent would be like, barely remembering to add anime martial artist in to catch any overflow as Whistler had suggested. With that thought firmly in mind he pressed his hand down and released the energy into Oz, a catchy melody playing in the back of his head.

Oz's pupils dilated and he stared at nothing for a moment. After a few seconds he blinked and snapped out of it. "Did you know my soul had cracks?" he asked Xander.

"That's normal, it's expanding in all directions," Xander replied, anxious to see if it worked.

"Are you cured?!" Willow demanded.

"No," Oz said with a smile, "but I know how to do it. I'll just need my guitar, some herbs I can pick along the way, and somewhere deep in the forest… or desert. Glad we got one nearby."

Willow hugged Oz tightly.

"So, what all can you do?" Cordelia asked curiously.

"A lot," Oz replied, "more than was on the paper even."

"More?" Willow asked.

"Herbology," Oz said, pausing to grin, "means medicine, dyes, spices, and even traps and poisons. The skills connect to a much wider pool of knowledge."

"Yeah," Xander said with a nod," my powering is kinda overpowered and tends to do more than I plan."

"I owe you big," Oz told Xander, "huge."

"We don't keep score here," Xander said, "otherwise Buff is way in the lead and then we get depressed and our manhoods shrink."

"And we can't have that," Oz agreed.

"It is not of the good," Xander said with a nod before the two of them burst out laughing.

Cordelia rolled her eyes, but couldn't stop herself from snickering.

"So most of the empowering is knowledge?" Willow asked.

Xander shook his head. "He's also got more muscle tone, but since he didn't work to get it the fat that is usually burned away by training is still covering it. With that much muscle I doubt the fat will survive all that long though."

Oz curled his arm and his bicep bulged. "Whoa!"

"Plus there are little things like perfect eyesight, hearing, and being able to sing in perfect pitch," Xander replied. "See, it's all the little things that make it work, not just being strong and able to take a hit."

"I thought I was going to have to work up to some of the stuff in my head," Oz said, stretching his fingers and pretending he was holding a guitar.

"Double jointed, ambidextrous, and increased tendon strength and bone density," Xander listed off.

"Captain America?" Oz asked.

Xander shrugged. "For Dungeons and Dragons characters, the baseline is Olympiad. I never nerfed my players."

"What am I missing?" Cordelia asked.

Oz stood up and moved back before doing a perfect backflip. Once he had moved onto one handed handstand pushup, Cordelia managed to regain her wits. "You made him a Slayer?"

"No," Xander shook his head. "Think action hero from the movies. No bending steel or ripping someone's arm off… Which I have actually seen Buffy do by the way, just hit like Tyson and move like Jesse Owens."

"Just?" Willow asked in disbelief.

"Magic is nice and all, but Dungeons and Dragons mages are called glass cannons for a reason. I say screw that, if I have the choice I'm increasing stats to eighteen across the boards," Xander explained.

"Taken altogether," Oz said as he flipped back to his feet, "being a Slayer would be a downgrade."

"Maybe in anything but a straight up battle," Xander said thoughtfully. "She's probably three times as fast and strong, plus the healing."

"Note to self: avoid pissing off Buffy, if forced to face a Slayer in battle… lay traps of poisoned Haagen Dazs and high priced shoes in the surrounding area," Oz said.

"Contact poison?" Xander asked.

Oz nodded. "Dandelions are beyond amazing."

"And the magic?" Xander asked, while Cordelia mouthed the word 'Dandelions' at Willow who shrugged.

"It's all there, a lot requires ingredients and vocals, but weaker versions can be cast without. Still need a small pouch to wear around my neck with some stuff in it for that though, almost like a cleric's holy symbol," Oz said. "There's also a lot of ways to enhance things, including through song."

"Druidic spells with a Bardic bent," Xander said, pleased it had gone so well.

Oz nodded, very pleased with how everything had turned out. "Bathroom," he said before heading for the door.

"What class should I be? Can I multiclass?" Willow asked, mind running all over the place.

"You can multiclass, but I think you'd end up lower level, like half and half," Xander said, "and before you ask I have no idea what level I can enhance us to. Truthfully, I would suggest Rogue for you."

"Rogue?" Willow asked, surprised.

"Hide in shadows, stab enemies in the back, pick locks, etc…" Xander said. "Actually since you are dating a Druid, how about Ranger?"

"How about Fighter?" Willow asked sarcastically.

Xander laughed. "No glass cannons," he reminded her, "we can't resurrect people. You are going to have to pick a class with some decent hit dice."

"I know," Willow said with a pout.

"I need a crash course in your nerd stuff," Cordelia told Xander.

Xander brought out the Player's Handbook and handed it to her. "Page through this to get some idea of how everything works. It's just for general knowledge, after that we'll bring out the specialty books, OK?"

"I can't believe I'm looking forward to learning all this," Cordelia said eagerly as she opened the book and started reading.

Willow was deep in thought as she chewed her bottom lip and thought about the different classes, not even noticing when Oz returned.

Oz sat next to Willow and turned to Xander. "Back from the bathroom." He held up a fist and Xander grinned and bumped knuckles with him.

"I've got it," Willow said with a grin. "D8 per level is acceptable, right?"

"Yeah," Xander agreed slowly, not trusting her grin.

"Psionicist," she said.

Xander considered it for a moment. "Will you set vamps on fire with your mind?"

"That's the plan," she agreed.

"Deal!"

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"So how'd it go?" Xander asked Whistler as he entered his room, limping a little from the ache in his ribs after climbing the stairs.

"This is a pretty good show," Whistler admitted. "I'm also certain I could copy some of his moves using my mojo in place of chi."

"That would be cool," Xander said.

"Yeah, I'm going to have to do some training," Whistler said. "But onto the subject of your training. There is a guy I know of that can train you. He's the closest thing we've got to an anime martial artist."

"Really?" Xander asked.

"Yeah, a bit more Bruce Lee, but not far off," Whistler said, distracted by the episode he was watching. "Man, his life would have been a lot easier if he'd been engaged to Kasumi. Seriously, that Akane chick makes a lot of demons look even tempered."

Xander snickered. "I'm kinda partial to Kodachi myself."

"Seriously?" he asked, surprised.

"Yeah," Xander said. "Kasumi is not a martial artist and they have little in common. Now, Kodachi is rich, a martial artist, insanely flexible, and has a fantastic body. Also, bondage."

"She would be kinky," Whistler agreed. "What about all the drugs?"

"Ninja drugs," Xander pointed out. "All she uses is sleep and paralysis."

"Yeah, I could see that working," he admitted. "But if we're going for compatibility Shampoo seems a better bet."

"Too much sexism," Xander said. "The village would drive him to drink or he would drive everyone else to, which is more likely. So, while they may make a good couple, it'd have to be outside the village."

"Point," Whistler agreed. "How much longer until you're healed?"

"Three or four days," Xander guessed. "I heal ten percent a day so I figure I'm down a third to a quarter right now."

"Well, the Dragon will probably have you meditating for about a week to start, so that's not a problem," Whistler decided.

"Give me two days," Xander said, "I want to empower Cordelia and Willow first so I don't have to worry about them while I'm off."

"We got time," Whistler allowed. "OK, after those two are empowered, then we'll head to New York. By the way, how'd the empowering go?"

"It went well," Xander said as Whistler shut off the set. "Oz is now a Druid with a Bardic bent. I increased his stats to max human and gave him the best human perks the game had as well as a ton of knowledge."

"Knowledge?" Whistler asked curiously.

"Yeah, see there are a ton of secondary skills like medieval professions and the performing arts," Xander explained. "You could drop him naked in any wilderness on Earth and he could find food and build a shelter within minutes. In a week he'd probably have a complete wardrobe and musical instrument."

"Don't know how much use that is in the city, but as long as he's happy about it," Whistler said. "So he can do all the Druid stuff from D&D?"

"If he's got the herbs," Xander agreed.

"What? Pot?" the Balance Demon asked.

Xander opened his mouth and paused. "I have no idea what plants he needs to be honest, maybe Pot is one of them, but it depends on the spell, they all use different components."

"Probably cheaper than having to buy all those things mages need," Whistler said. "So what do you have planned for the girls?"

"Cordelia is going to be a Bard and Willow a Psionicist," Xander replied.

"I know what a Bard is, though it seems like a poor choice considering your options, but Psionicist?" Whistler asked.

"Cordelia isn't going to stay here past graduation and a Bard would make it big in Hollywood easy," Xander explained. "As for a Psionicist… ever seen Firestarter by Stephen King?"

"That powerful?" Whistler asked. "Not sure that's a good idea, I mean the little girl in that movie set concrete on fire and most of the town is a lot more flammable than that."

"She won't be that powerful a pyrokinetic, but the powers Charlie and her father had are a good example of the sorts of things she could do," Xander said. "Plus… a bunch more things. Like I said, I'm passing out all the skills."

"Keeps you from limiting your options," Whistler noted, "and having more options is never a bad thing around here."

"Also, RPG characters can be a bit two dimensional as they work towards a 'build' and while that may help in a game, in real life it's a death sentence as it really unbalances you," Xander explained.

"Sounds about right," Whistler said. "Alright, I'll come back in two days, in the meantime…" He gathered up all the tapes, "I have some more anime to watch."

 ***flash***

Xander chuckled, amused.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Cordelia was almost vibrating in place as she showed Xander the character sheet she'd made.

"Stats only go up to eighteen," he said, erasing the 99's she'd put for her stats.

Cordelia grinned, she'd just done that to mess with him.

"The rest looks… OK, these are very cool, but where did you get these professions from?" he asked as he read her sheet.

Cordelia smirked as she handed him a copy of the Dungeon Master Guide and pointed out two sections, the one where it said the rules were merely guidelines and the section on making up new skills not listed.

"Perfectly acceptable," Xander agreed.

"Let me see that," Willow said. Looking over Cordelia's sheet, the red head grinned. "Looks like I have some more editing to do."

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel**


	6. Chapter 6

**Choose your own award 6**

"Ready?" Xander asked Cordelia.

"Yes!" Cordelia squealed excitedly.

"Ok, let me concentrate," Xander said, glancing up at the skylight where the sun hung directly overhead. He read her character sheet, examining the skill list closely and how she'd modernized a bunch of skills and added new ones. Taking a deep breath he raised his hand and focused on the core concepts she had developed, making sure to keep anime martial artist in the back of his mind just like he'd discussed with Whistler this morning.

"Boop!" Xander said, tapping the end of her nose.

Cordelia's eyes dilated and her form slightly shifted as her hair grew out and turned a silky black color.

"That's more of a change than I got," Oz noted.

Cordelia stood up and stretched, contorting her body in ways that drew everyone's eye to her. "Wow, I feel good," she did a backflip, dropped into the splits, and came back to her feet smoothly.

"Your hair's black," Willow noted.

"I need a mirror!" Cordelia said urgently.

Oz picked up his guitar and plucked a few strings, a haunting melody filling the air and calling forth tiny sparks of light from the shadows in the room to form a shining column of radiance that turned into a six foot tall oval mirror in a bronze gothic frame.

Willow turned and stared at Oz in amazement.

"Nice illusion spell," Cordelia complimented him before moving in front of the mirror.

"Thanks," Oz said.

"I didn't know you could do that," Willow said.

"I picked a few things on the way over," Oz replied, patting his right pants pocket.

"I think I lost a cup size," Cordelia said, pulling off her shirt. "Yeah, this is definitely loose." She took off her bra. "Now those are some rosy red nipples."

"Honey, you are stripping in the middle of the library," Xander pointed out.

"I was just taking my top off, but that's a good idea," Cordelia said unconcerned as she stripped completely naked and examined herself in the mirror, much to everyone's shock.

"Don't look at me," Xander said, dragging his eyes away from his naked girlfriend as he felt his friends' eyes on him.

"Modesty is an outdated concept," Cordelia said absently, "and an anchor around the neck of a performer."

"Ok, I'm thinking I get it now," Willow said, distractedly as Cordelia went through a few naked contortions in front of the mirror.

"She's a bard," Xander and Oz chorused in understanding.

Cordelia slid into Xander's lap and gave him a kiss that reduced his IQ. "My skin is flawless and I'm at least an inch taller. I lost a little in curves but I look even more attractive now, nice work."

"Can you put on some clothes, please?" Willow requested.

"Sure," Cordelia said, getting off Xander's lap and pulling her clothes back on, except her bra and panties, which she tossed in her backpack. Her smirk as she re-took her seat on Xander's lap told everyone she knew they had been watching her dress and that she'd been making a performance of it.

"Knowledge causes changes," Oz noted, "but then, that has always been true."

"Druid really suits you," Xander said.

"Just like fighter suits you," Oz agreed.

"Not exactly a white knight," Xander said thoughtfully, "I'm too willing to get my hands dirty, but yeah, I'm a fighter."

"And bard suited my goal, but not my previous personality," Cordelia realized. As everyone turned to look at her, she simply smirked. "Eighteen wisdom."

"I need to rethink my character," Willow said suddenly.

"Why do I have a bunch of spy skills?" Cordelia asked Xander. "I know how to make fake IDs, spot tails, and handle blind drops among other things."

"Modern version of thieves' skills," Xander replied. "Hide in shadows requires you to be able to locate camera feeds and loop footage these days."

"You are an awesome boyfriend," Cordelia said. "I am so getting you a gift." She turned to Oz. "We need to make instruments; mass produced ones are shit."

"Yeah, I've been considering that," Oz admitted. "I can see the use for wood grown on the Hellmouth, but to balance that we need some naturally grown at least five miles away from any cities."

"I can use modern tools to speed things up, but the old materials still work best," Cordelia agreed.

"You do know how valuable instruments made by you guys would be, right?" Xander asked. At their confused expressions he said, "There are very few, if any, people who have the knowledge and skill to make instruments like you guys can."

"Eric Draven is getting a guitar," Oz said with a small smile.

"Who?" Cordelia asked.

"Indie band, you wouldn't have heard of him," Oz said. "Bit of an inspiration to me."

We'll need the practice anyway," Cordelia said.

"I thought you got the skills and everything," Willow pointed out, "as in didn't need practice."

"It's art," Oz said, "there's an element of chance to it."

"Yeah," Cordelia agree, "we can stack the odds to produce a masterpiece, but if there's a warp in the wood because of an early frost when the tree was young we won't know until we try and play it and hear the results."

"That's why you have a small chance of producing a masterwork item even as a newbie," Willow said as she ran over the rules in her head, "because the steps are the same, but the practice with them is what gives you the instincts to turn out better quality items."

"Sometimes you get lucky," Oz agreed.

"Will you have your character sheet ready by tomorrow?" Xander asked Willow. "Because I am going to New York for some training after that," he reminded her.

"No, I'm going to need to put a lot more thought into it," Willow said. "I need to figure out who I am first."

"I'll build a sweat lodge and get you some mushrooms," Oz said.

"What?" Willow asked.

"To find out who you are," Oz said. "I know some shortcuts."

"Vision quest," Xander said, "and being a druid, you'd know the real deal."

"Umm… is it legal?" Willow asked nervously.

"Not unless you are hiding the fact that you're Amerind," Oz said, "but it's effective."

"And on another topic, I would like to go through it too," Cordelia said.

"That's another topic?" Willow asked with a frown.

"Sure," Cordelia replied, "we're going from you waffling before agreeing, straight to me agreeing and taking your eventual acceptance of what needs to be done as a given."

"And I don't have to admit it out loud?" Willow asked.

"Nope," Cordelia replied.

"Oh," Willow said and smiled. "So why do you want to go through it with me?"

"I've changed who I am," Cordelia said, "so I need to know how I've changed."

"We should all probably go through it," Oz said.

"Mine will have to wait until I get back," Xander said.

"It is so weird that you are getting training after empowering yourself as a fighter," Willow said.

"That's because I didn't do half of what I did for you guys for myself," Xander replied. "See I just had a basic idea of what I wanted to do with me, so all the extra, which was a lot, went towards anime martial artist. Thus, I really need training."

"Can't you just use your power on yourself again?" Willow asked.

"Maybe, I'll know in a month," Xander said.

"I hope it works, because this is above and beyond," Oz said.

"Way above and beyond," Cordelia said leaning in to kiss him. "Pretty sure you've gone beyond what any of us have ever dreamed of here."

"Then we'll just have to get bigger dreams," Xander said with a grin.

"How's the ribs?" Cordelia asked hopefully.

"Still healing," Xander admitted.

"Damn!"

"Agreed," Xander said. "I'll see if I can't move up the training a day since I don't need to stick around and empower Willow tomorrow."

"Good," Cordelia said before smiling slyly. "I just thought of something…"

Xander waited as she began to grin, wondering what she had come up with that caused that expression.

"Yeah," Cordelia said. "All I need is a tambourine or some finger cymbals and a large number of scarves…"

"I like this idea," Xander said instantly.

"You don't even know what the idea is," Willow pointed out.

"Don't need to," Xander said, "Cordy had it, so I'm in favor of it!"

"I just need to come up with the right lyrics," Cordelia said.

"I need herbs, you just need music," Oz realized.

"Yeah," Cordelia agreed. "Now it won't be as effective with substandard instruments, but I can make up for that with repeated castings. I can have you on your feet in no time!"

"Casting? You mean you can heal with music? Of course you can, you're a bard," Willow said. "This is still so hard to believe, I mean healing magic is a really big deal."

"Need help?" Oz asked Cordelia.

"Can you play bongos?" Cordelia asked before shaking her head. "Actually, this is kinda private, no offense."

"I meant help with the lyrics," Oz said.

"Sure," Cordelia said. She turned to Xander and Willow, "you guys order lunch, we should have this done pretty quick."

 **OoOoOoOoOo**

Xander returned home to find Whistler watching Tenchi Muyo in his room.

"By the fourth episode these girls should have dogpiled him and had their way with him," Whistler said, shaking his head. "You healed yet, kid?"

"Fully!" Xander said with a grin.

Whistler turned to look at him and his eyes widened. "Who tried to strangle ya?! Your neck is covered in bruises! We're going to have to put off your training for months!"

"What?!" Xander exclaimed in shock, then immediately calmed down. "You're fucking with me again, aren't you?"

Whistler burst out laughing. "Yeah, kid I'm just messing with you. I already know what happened and moved things up to tonight."

"Is Tenchi Muyo so boring you spent your time spying on me instead?" Xander asked. "That's kind of creepy."

"Hey, don't knock Tenchi, it's actually pretty good, and no, I was not spying on you, I've got precogs spying on you, which is even creepier," he said with a grin. "They are creeping on things that not only haven't happened, but won't happen."

"Won't happen?" Xander asked.

"Yeah, you still scramble their view of the future even if they are pretty sure what your next move is going to be these days," Whistler explained. "After all, they knew what Cordelia was going to do after you empowered her and that made it a lot easier to figure out what you would do."

Xander considered that for a moment. "Yeah, I wouldn't exactly turn down Cordelia, so there was really only one outcome there."

"Nah, there was still about twenty solid ones," Whistler disagreed. "Heck, there was a twelve percent chance that Oz and Willow would have been there and Red would have ended up pregnant. Only sixteen percent chance it would have been yours and not Oz's though."

"What?" Xander asked.

"A bard with max stats working her seduction rolls for the first time," Whistler said, "you do the math."

"Bards aren't known for restraint," Xander agreed.

"So, you ready?"

"Let me grab my duffle and make one quick call and I'll be ready."

 **OoOoOoOoOo**

Xander blinked the spots from his eyes as they appeared in a flash of light.

A slender well-built man with a touch of grey at his temples and skin like mocha, wearing a black karate Gi greeted them, "Welcome to my dojo, in here you may refer to me as Sensei Greene, outside of it I prefer my given name -"

"Leroy!" a powerful voice resonated through the air as the front door to the dojo was thrown open and a 6ft 7in tall, bald, black man stared into the room, he was clad in a red Gi and his presence was nearly overpowering.

"If you'll pardon me, I have a prior engagement," Leroy said, giving them a slight bow before turning to the intruder.

 **OoOoOoOoOo**

"Any idea why Xander wanted me to tell you to make sure you took your birth control pills?" Oz asked Willow.

"I think he wanted Cordelia to tell me, not you," Willow replied, looking up from the RPG manual she was paging through. "Cordelia simply ran into you before me."

"That makes a little more sense," Oz said. "Still seems like a random reminder."

"That's Xander for ya, but I had forgotten to take them," Willow admitted. "No idea how he knew, probably something in my behavior clued him in or he heard me mumble a reminder to myself that I forgot."

Oz nodded, satisfied with that explanation and no longer worried that Xander was trying to subtly hint at something Oz had missed.

"How long will it take you to set everything up?" Willow asked. "Because while I am branching out a bit, so I have a better idea of what I can choose depending on what I find out, I'm still working on guesswork here and more than a bit nervous. I mean, what if I turn out to be a really evil person at heart, who kicks puppies and crushes kittens?!"

"Breathe, honey," Oz said gently, stroking her back like he would a panicking deer and calming her down.

"Alright, I'm alright," Willow said after taking several deep breaths.

"If you are secretly evil, you just have to create a character sheet for someone who isn't" Oz said. "Xander's power can reinforce what you are or add traits for what you are not if you so choose."

"Yeah," Willow replied finally relaxing. "Is there anything you'd like to see changed about me?"

"Most guys would consider that a trap," Oz pointed out.

Willow nodded. "I totally get that, but if I am actually going to make changes to myself I could use some honest feedback."

"Alright," Oz said. "Since I am a Druid I wouldn't mind spending more time out in the forest with you."

"A love of nature," Willow said with a smile. "That I can do."

"It would make me happy," he said, scooting his chair closer to hers.

"So, you don't think I need bigger boobs?" Willow asked.

Oz opened his mouth to reply and then looked closely at Willow's expression. "Do you think you need bigger boobs?" he asked.

"We should be happy with what we have," Willow quoted from one of her Mom's lectures. "Changing your physical appearance rarely brings happiness."

Oz considered that and put his eighteen wisdom and knowledge of his girlfriend to work. "As a man we do get stuck on little things in people's appearances, shallow but it happens. Why don't you write me a list of things I might be too embarrassed to ask you to change because I don't want to hurt your feelings?"

Willow beamed. "I'll get right on that!"

 **Typing by: fyrewolf5 (Oz, trust your instincts, it's always a trap!)**


	7. Chapter 7

Xander watched spellbound as the two fought, his mind was tearing apart every move they made but he couldn't see a single flaw, every strike was perfect, every deflection precise.

He'd seen Kendra and Buffy spar, but they were amateurs compared to these two.

Make no mistake the slayers would have torn them apart, but that was because of power not skill, humans are only so fast and strong, he knew.

Then the two began to speed up beyond what Xander knew to be possible.

"How?" Xander asked, not realizing he was moving away until his feet hit the wall, the pressure of the two pushing against him like a river's current.

"Meet… The Dragons of Harlem," Whistler said quietly as the two began to glow, competing auras of gold and red, and their movements became a blur leaving behind showers of sparks as they clashed.

There was a final explosion of light and Leroy stood poised with two fingers lightly touching the taller man's neck.

"Good one Leroy," the bald man said with a nod.

"Thank - **"** Leroy began and paused when he saw his opponents grin. Glancing down he saw three fingers curved like claws, resting over his left leg's femoral artery. Leroy laughed as they both stepped back and bowed. "A draw then."

"Good fight, Leroy."

"Good fight, Julius."

"They are the closest to what I can become?" Xander asked Whistler in disbelief.

"The closest we got," Whistler agreed.

Julius looked at Leroy and raised a single eyebrow.

"In exchange for training him, they are going to heal my daughter," Leroy explained.

"I can empower people," Xander quickly explained. "Healing can be a side effect of that, I just have to pick the right powers to give them."

Julius nodded thoughtfully. "How much to heal my nephew?"

Xander turned to Whistler. "They're good people, right?"

Whistler grinned. "New York went from having major vampire problems to near nil thanks to them."

Xander smiled. "No charge. I can only do one a day, so bring him by the day after tomorrow."

Julius nodded. "I'll see you then. Leroy," he gave a shallow bow, "I've got a nest of Fyarl to take care of."

"Have fun," Leroy said.

"Oh, I intend to," Julius said with a savage grin as he left.

"Tell me more about this empowerment, if you please," Leroy requested while he lead them to the door.

"I have empowered several people, myself among them," Xander began, "of course being human and accidentally overdoing things has caused personality changes, so I need to know a lot about the person and who they want to be before I empower them."

"To guide the changes so that it follows their path," Leroy guessed aloud.

"Exactly," Xander agreed. "When I empowered my friends I gave them huge chunks of knowledge, things it takes decades to learn, each a career in themselves. Since it was things they already had an interest in, it caused less of a change then say… teaching them all the secrets of necromancy or ruling a small country."

"I see," Leroy said. "I'll be just a moment." He left them at the front door and disappeared into a side room.

"See you in two weeks, kid," Whistler said before vanishing in a burst of light.

Leroy returned dressed in a set of Chinese tongs that wouldn't have looked out of place on Ranma. "I only live a couple of blocks away."

As they stepped outside the dojo and Leroy locked up Xander looked around curiously, the buildings towered over everything, the sky a distant sight above.

"Never been to Brooklyn?" Leroy asked.

"Never been outside Sunnydale," Xander replied.

"What's Sunnydale like?" Leroy asked as Xander watched a man in a bathrobe arguing with a female police office.

"Sunnydale… is like they took Mayberry from the Andy Griffith show, changed it to a suburb, and made Stephen King the city designer," Xander said.

"Sounds… strange," Leroy said as they stepped around a group of people playing dice against the front of a barber shop.

"That's life on the Hellmouth," Xander said, "every week it's a new disaster or danger." Cold wind whistled around them for a minute carrying someone's hat.

They moved to the side of the sidewalk to let a businessman sprint past chasing the flying hat.

"Things are quieter here," Leroy said, "we have our challenges, but they only come about every month or two. Most of the time it's just human problems we have to deal with."

Four inhumanly bulky characters could be seen half a block away, dressed in trench coats and fedoras like film noir detectives. They smiled at the pair as they passed, each carrying a couple of pizzas and wearing bandanas with eye holes cut out, which did little to disguise their inhuman features.

"Who?" Xander asked.

"Subway dwellers," Leroy replied. "A bit… strange but good-hearted people."

Xander nodded.

"And here we are," Leroy said gesturing to a pizza place.

"Daddy Green's pizza," Xander read before he entered the restaurant and smiled. It had the roomy tables and padded benches he liked to see, rather than the sterile crammed together plastic seating fast food places were adopting these days.

"Hey Junior," the old man behind the counter called out. "Done for the day? We were just about to close up."

"I'll give you a hand," Leroy said, gesturing for Xander to sit at one of the booths.

Xander slid into the booth setting his bag to the side.

"Hi," said a shy little voice from the other side of the table.

Xander turned and saw a young girl. It was obvious that she was nervous about how he was going to react to her. One side of her face was heavily scarred and part of her scalp as well, which seemed an even crueler fate as the untouched side was completely adorable.

"Xander Harris, King of the Cretins," Xander introduced himself. "And which princess might you be?"

"Princess?" she asked curiously, her nervousness forgotten.

"Well as I am a King I only sit with royalty, so you are obviously a princess," Xander said. "So, the only question is… which princess are you?"

Her face lit up and she looked down at the coloring book she'd been working on. "I'm Princess Luan of Saturn."

"Greetings your highness," Xander said, bowing slightly. "What are you working on?" he asked.

"I'm coloring Sailor Saturn," Luan explained. "It's Princess Saturn's secret identity."

"Tell me about her," Xander said digging out a notebook and a pencil.

Seeing she had a captive audience who actually wanted to hear about her favorite character, Luan positively gushed while Xander asked question and took notes.

Papa Green turned to Leroy. "Is that your new student?"

"For a little while," Leroy agreed, smiling at seeing his daughter so animated.

"Got a good heart," Papa Green said as he wiped clean the counter, "I can see why you'd train him."

"Yeah," Leroy agreed. He hadn't shared the knowledge of Whistler's offer, not wanting to get anyone's hopes up, and wanting to take the measure of the man he'd be training. It turned out to be more boy than a man, but the rest of his reasoning remained the same.

His wife Vanity came downstairs from the apartments above the restaurant. "Is our baby ready for bed yet?" She looked over where Xander and Luan were arguing over costume details and making sketches. "I'm so glad it's summer, because she is going to be up all night."

"Looks like your new disciple is just one big kid," Papa Green said with amusement.

"Better a kind heart than a hard one," Leroy said as they watched Xander argue proper skirt length for magic girls and the value of armor over miniskirts.

 **OoOoOoOoOo**

Vanity woke up, reached for her husband and was unsurprised to find he'd already gotten up, as he had always been an early riser.

Her morning ablutions took about an hour and she followed her nose to the smell of coffee, finding her husband was sipping a cup and watching the living room with an amused glint in his eye.

She downed half a cup of coffee before wandering over to see what he found funny. She found herself having to stifle a giggle at what she saw.

Papa Green was asleep in an easy chair, snoring with his mouth open. Xander was lying on his back facing the television, which was playing static, with Luan sleeping on his stomach, dressed in a construction paper outfit that looked more Roman Legionnaire than Magic Girl. She'd kicked off her prosthetic left hand and foot, but had her Saturn henshin rod stuck in her right hand.

Her cat Luna was sleeping across Xander's face, completely covering his eyes and forehead.

"I hope you got pictures," she quietly said.

"I did," he assured her, "and you have overslept."

"Someone kept me up late," she teased him.

"It was a good night," he said, leaning forward to steal a kiss.

"How long are we going to let them sleep?" Vanity asked.

"Noon," Leroy said with a smile.

"What are you up to?" she asked.

"It's a surprise," Leroy said, peering into the living room once more, eyes focused on an easel with a sketch of his daughter fully healed and dressed in an intricate outfit holding a pole arm with a panther by her feet.

"I suppose I can let you hold onto a secret for a couple of hours," she allowed.

"You are so kind," he said with a grin.

"It's a gift," she said with a smirk.

The two settled down for a quiet brunch and were just finishing up when the intercom rang.

"Yes?" Leroy asked pushing the button.

"Leroy, it's me," Julius replied. "Benji wanted to visit Luan."

"No I didn't!" a young boys voice spoke up in the background.

The adults ignored him.

"I'll buzz you in," Leroy said, pushing another button.

Less than a minute later the door opened to let in a young boy following a large German shepherd and Julius, who had to duck slightly to get in the door.

"Where's old ugly at?" the young boy asked, his eyes hidden behind a pair of thick black sunglasses.

"Asleep in the living room," Vanity said. "Why don't you go wake her up?"

The boy grinned and followed his dog as it lead him out of the room.

Chaos erupted in the living room as a boy with a large German shepherd woke up Luan, Xander, and the cat on Xander's head.

Papa Green slept on.

"How'd the nest clearing go?" Leroy asked, offering Julius a mug of coffee.

"Turned out there was only three of them," Julius said. "Barely even a warm up."

Xander stumbled into the Kitchen, his face a bit scratched up, and covered in cat fur and dog drool. He started towards the sink and splashed cold water on his face before wiping it off with a dishtowel. "Coffee?" he asked, half-awake before all tiredness dropped away like a switch had been flipped. "The sun is directly overhead."

"Did you learn enough about Luan?" Leroy asked trying to stay calm, but hope coloring his tone.

"I did," Xander assured him. "Everything is ready in the living room to do it right now."

Leroy beamed and Xander walked to the living room where Benji and Luan were sitting on the couch talking about whether Wonder Woman or Superman would win in a fight. Both animals had calmed down with the large German shepherd laying down on the floor quietly while Luan's cat Luna sat in her lap and pretended the dog wasn't there.

"Can I see your henshin wand?" Xander asked.

"Sure," Luan said handing him the pen sized plastic wand with the purple astrological symbol for Saturn on the top.

Xander picked up his notepad and looked over his notes and studied the drawing once more. "Okay," he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and twirled the wand, "as the acknowledged King of the Cretins, I dub thee… Centurion Saturn."

The wand began to glow, the plastic taking on a jewel like quality as he twirled it, sending a wave of purple light down her frame as he tapped it on her forehead.

The adults watched in shock as scars faded and hair grew in across her scalp, while the construction paper costume began to thicken and grow, until she was wearing a roman centurion outfit of a deep purple leather and polished bronze, but one that didn't leave her arms and legs bare.

Xander stood frozen for a moment. Only half the golden threads had sunk into her soul, the rest had clung to her wand, armor, and… cat.

"I… I've got both hands again!" Luan squeaked. "And feet!"

"What just happened?" Benji asked, tilting his head.

"I just became a magic girl," Luan said in wonder, "and… and I know a bunch of stuff about manners, cooking pizza… and I've got powers!"

"You've got powers?" Benji asked as he reached up and felt her face, running his fingers over where the scars used to be but unable to check her hair beneath her helm.

"Yeah, I can do this," Luan said, taking off his sunglasses and revealing his sightless white eyes. He quickly closed them and she stroked them with her thumbs, causing him to blink and open them again, showing hazel pupils that hadn't been there a moment ago.

"Healing someone's nice, giving them the ability to heal others is awesome," he replied. "Plus it's what she wanted."

"Whoa," Benji said, looking around in wonder before turning back to Luan. "Hey, Ugly."

"Hey, Stupid," she replied with a grin.

"What all did you give her?" Julius asked with a broad smile, pleased at his nephew being healed.

"A bunch of stuff," Luan said cheerfully. "I can do lots of magic girl stuff, heal people, create a big shield, and… I can make Luna grow giant so I can ride her into battle?" Luan just stared at Xander.

"I like He-Man," Xander replied with a grin.

"If you try to ride me into battle, I'll shit in your shoes," Luna said, causing everyone to turn and stare at the cat with a silver crescent gleaming on its forehead.

 **Typing By: fyrewolf5**

 **TN: This one was a bit tougher to figure out, but really amusing, and perfect cat response.**


	8. Chapter 8

**CYOA 8**

"Of all the things I expected, this was not one of them," Leroy admitted.

"That's a common theme with me," Xander admitted. "Now I have to find out what Benji is like."

"But he's already healed," Julius pointed out.

"I said I'd empower him, not heal him," Xander explained. "Hey Benji, how'd you like to be a magic girl?"

"Oh, Hell no!" Benji yelled jumping back.

Xander laughed. "How about a magic boy then?"

"Like Tuxedo Mask?" Luan asked eagerly.

"Man, that dude is weak," Benji said relaxing a little, "always needing to get rescued. Michael Jackson in Moonwalker is more manly then he is and has cooler skills too!"

"Tell me about him," Xander said grabbing his notepad.

"I used to think the strangest thing I'd ever see was those turtles or their master," Julius said.

"Men make plans and the gods laugh at them," Leroy replied.

"Leroy," Julius said, shaking his head, "no parables before either my third cup of coffee, or my second beer."

"Sorry," Leroy said with a grin.

Vanity looked down at Luna who was starting up at her. "What?"

"Feed me," the cat ordered.

"Tell me why you keep leaving dead mice on my pillow," Vanity ordered.

"Because you can't hunt for shit," Luna replied. "Now, feed me."

"How is it you claim I can't hunt for shit, but I'm the one feeding you?" Vanity pointed out with a smirk.

"You feed me long dead things," Luna pointed out, "and they aren't too bad, but you need a fresh kill every now and again to stay healthy."

"We store out fresh kills in ice so they stay good longer," Vanity explained, "so you keep your kills, alright?"

"I'll think about it," Luna replied. "Now, feed me."

The two men grinned as they watched the children argue about cartoons and costumes while Xander took notes.

"Today is a good day," Leroy said, "and it's only just begun."

"The only way it could be better is if that fire mage was stupid enough to pop his head out of whatever hole he crawled into a year ago," Julius said.

"Amen," Leroy said in agreement, his eyes flashing gold for a moment.

 **OoOoOoOoOo**

"You healed my Granddaughter?" Papa Green asked, while working the pizza oven.

"When you get a blessing like mine, you don't keep it to yourself, you find good people to share it with," Xander said, knowing what Papa Green was really asking.

"You're a good man," the old man said, satisfied.

"I'm trying to be," Xander replied. "Give me a couple of years and we'll know for sure." He passed another pizza to him.

"That's a good attitude to have," he said.

"The place I'm from is dark enough that if you assume you're right and in the light you've probably already wandered a fair bit into the dark," Xander admitted.

"LA?"

"Not far from it," Xander admitted.

"At least it's not Hollywood," Papa Green told him.

"There is that," Xander agreed.

"The movies these days are all filled with sex and violence," Papa Green said with a sigh.

"That they are," Xander agreed with a grin.

"Wasn't like that in my day," Papa Green said, "I had to walk five miles to visit a friend who had a pack of French playing cards to get even a glimpse of nipple. You kids are spoiled."

"Happily, so," Xander agreed.

"Now I use olive oil to grease the pan, but butter, real butter on top and in the bread," Papa Green lectured. "I know they like to complain about cholesterol and blood pressure but I'm an old black man who has never had a heart attack or even high blood pressure, so it it's between me and some skinny college kid with a pony tail…"

"That's a no brainer," Xander agreed. "You're supposed to test theories to find out what's right, not simply parrot others."

"She gone?" he muttered sotto voice.

Xander turned his head and saw Vanity's hair vanishing into the stairwell. "Yeah. Good catch."

"Situational awareness, son. It'll save yer ass."

"Too many new smells and sounds," Xander said, "I didn't have a clue."

"Gotta keep an eye out," Papa Greene said, "I don't keep everything polished just because it looks nice, I do it for several reasons, one of which is it lets me know who's around me at all times."

"What about vampires?" Xander asked.

"My boy and his friend have all but wiped them out around here," Papa Green said proudly, "but even before that there was a reason I made my home above my work, worked a cross into the design of the railing every six inches, and have a discount for clergy who take a moment to bless my parlor."

Xander whistled impressed as he tried his hand at rolling dough.

"Since the local priest liked to eat here it also kept out the mob, since they like to keep tight with the catholic church. I also tempted in the local Rabbi by having kosher ingredients. They say it's racist these days to say Jews are good with money, but I never got any advice in finance that wasn't spot on." He grinned. "You should have heard father Halloran and Rabbi Rosenburg get into it. I learned more listening to them then I could have gotten at the local college and I made sure junior was the one to wait on their table."

"Everything you do has multiple layers to it," Xander said, impressed.

"I once read that some general said 'all roads lead to victory' and it hit me that as long as you always get back up and continue on, that was true," Papa Green said, "but then I thought 'not all those roads are the same length' and how much faster can you travel it if rather than taking one step at a time you took several?"

Xander nodded and listened intently, thinking that Papa Green's training just might be more important than his son's.

 **The Second day**

"You're keeping up very well for someone with little training," Leroy noted as they finished a five mile jog.

"Anime martial artist," Xander replied, "the harder the training, the faster I improve."

"Really?" Leroy said thoughtfully, already altering his plans for training.

"I focused on two things while empowering myself, Anime Martial Artist, and D&D Fighter," Xander explained. "If you know about those two archetypes, you'll have a pretty good idea about what kind of training I can handle and what I am capable of." He took slow deep breaths as he cooled down from their run, sweat dripping from his brow, unlike Leroy who looked like he'd just stepped out of the shower.

"It looks like I have some research to do," Leroy said thoughtfully.

"Ranma ½ and 2nd edition Advanced Dungeons & Dragons," Xander added, "that's the archetypes I was thinking of."

"I will look them up later, but since you are properly warmed up, now we can begin," Leroy said cheerfully.

"Yeah?" Xander asked cautiously, sensing a trap.

"Yes, now we can run the circuit at full speed!" Leroy said before breaking into a fast run that Xander had to sprint to keep up with.

 **OoOoOoOoOo**

"He alive?" Julius asked idly as Leroy set Xander's sweat drenched form on a picnic table.

"Yes," Leroy replied looking pretty worn out himself, much to Julius' surprise. "He informed me that the harder he trains, the more he will grow completely ignoring human limitations."

"So, you decided to run him into the ground," he said with approval. "How'd he do?"

"Fifty miles or so," Leroy said, "and I made sure to take him over uneven ground."

"Impressive stamina," Julius allowed.

"No, the impressive part was the improvement in his running technique," Leroy disagreed. "His form smoothed out, his breathing improved matching the way I run then slowly adapting it to his body type."

"More impressive," Julius agreed before turning back to the stone pillar he'd wrapped a mattress around and practicing his high kick as he considered the matter.

All around the parking garage his men were doing much the same. Some in the groups who were sitting at battered tables, one going over maps of New York and taking reports from younger teens and another smaller group who were all crippled in some way and were arguing over things they were reading in hand written leather tomes.

"He said he had empowered himself using two archetypes, an anime martial artist from a show called Ranma ½ and the other the fighter class from the second edition of D&D," Leroy explained. He leaned his head to the side to avoid a strike from behind him and backhanded the attacker who dropped with a groan.

"Probably a thing the younger generation likes," Julius said. He prodded the teen on the ground. "Yo, Stillman. What can you tell me about Ranma ½ and 2nd edition D&D fighters?"

The young man slowly sat up. "Monique plays D&D and it'd probably be faster for me to get her and her books then to find out myself. Now, Ranma… that I know about."

"And?" Leroy asked amused.

"What's in it for me?"

"Two months free lessons," Leroy replied, "that way you'll learn more with less bruises than simply attacking me."

"Deal," Stillman said excitedly. "I'll go get the tapes we'll need a TV and VCR."

Julius made a gesture and a young teen ran over. "I need a TV and VCR set up in here, see to it."

"Yes, my shogun!" the teen exclaimed and sprinted off.

"We should probably order some lunch," Leroy suggested.

Xander suddenly sat up, wide awake and energetic. "It's noon, where's Benji?"

"Looks like he's caught his second wind," Julius noted amused. "He's on the second level helping his mother cook lunch."

"He'll need some sort of token with him," Xander said thoughtfully as Julius gestured for a runner to fetch him.

"A token?" Leroy asked curiously.

"It's easier on the soul to empower an item connected to them," Xander explained. "Leaves them more room to grow in whatever direction they choose."

"Hey, it's the Magic man," Benji said as the runner returned with him, his dog leading the way.

"Got your token?" Xander asked.

"And your notebook," Benji said with a smirk.

"Excellent, I'll need that to get it right," Xander said, accepting the notebook and finding Benji had made a few additions.

Xander raised an eyebrow and Benji blushed.

"I'll make it adjustable," he decided, "a little at-will physical alteration."

"Thanks," the boy said, scratching his dog behind its ears so he didn't have to see any knowing smirks.

"Now, where's your token?"

"I got a tat," the boy said, rolling up the sleeve on his shirt to show an expertly drawn rose.

"A tat?" Julius asked squinting at him.

"Luan did it for me, it's not permanent," he quickly explained.

"This will make it permanent," Xander warned, "but it will also make it moveable, so you can use it like a sticker."

"My daughter did that?" Leroy asked surprised.

"Empowerment," Xander reminded him. "A princess must know many things."

"You mind?" Julius asked, gesturing to the notepad.

Xander passed it over.

Leroy and Julius looked over the list of things Xander was planning.

"There's a number of non-combat skills," Leroy noted with approval.

"And the combat ones blend well with them," Julius noted curiously.

"I'm getting better at figuring out how everything fits together," Xander said, "and it works best if it follows the path the soul is already on. There is probably a better way to phrase all of this, but I'm making it up as I go along."

"Master Splinter could probably help you with that," Leroy said thoughtfully.

"Can we do it now?" Benji asked excitedly.

"It looks good," Julius said with approval, passing the notebook back to Xander.

"Anyone got a machete or small sword they don't mind losing?" Xander asked.

A number of gang members dressed in red and black had gathered to watch and one of them passed him a well-worn machete, its handle comprised of eighty percent duct tape.

"This works," Xander said. He stared at the notebook for a moment, flipping to a second page and back before concentrating on Benji. "I dub thee The Terran Knight," Xander said, tapping him once on each shoulder the threads flowing into the skin of the young boy, the machete, and his dog.

Benji's form swelled gaining an inch in height as his clothes rippled and changed to resemble Michael Jackson's Moonwalker character, though made of leather and bronze. The machete thickened and shrunk into the form of a small sword with a black hilt and a red rose design curling around the blade.

Naturally few people noticed this as they were all staring at Benji's dog who had swelled to the size of a Shetland pony.

"I think we missed a page," Julius noted.

"I don't have to ride him into battle, do I?" Benji asked.

*Better to sneak up behind them and rip out their throats,* a mental voice replied.

"Telepathic dog?" someone asked.

"I like dogs," Xander replied, "they are more loyal and dependable than humans."

"Can't argue with that," Julius said, scratching the massive dog behind the ears.

*You can see now?* the dog asked Benji.

"Yep, Luan fixed my eyes," he said with a smile.

*That explains why it's been so hard to walk you into closed doors lately.*

"What?"

 **Typing by: fyrewolf5**

 **TN: must type it all up quickly, get more chapters out, and force him to keep writing.**

 **AN: It's working!**


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